woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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