The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
