I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just forgot I was standing up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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