I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
