they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
