considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
