maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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