No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
