Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
