I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
