so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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