All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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