Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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