I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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