um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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