The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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