were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
