I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
