your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
