kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You pole danced in your parka.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
