Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
