Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
