it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
