fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
