I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
