I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
