Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
