better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
