I cannot find my penis.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
