Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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