If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
