dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
