Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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