piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I pour the whiskey from now on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
