Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
