I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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