Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
