My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
