I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
