i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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