I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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