tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
