Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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