He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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