My first STD was from a foam party
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you didnt know i had herpes?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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