my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
