Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
