Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
