his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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