im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
