You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
