I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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