I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
