The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
