Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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